girl can dream

i'll say "I Do". say, how bout you ask me to?




DOT.

husband defined

any wife would give the husband her life if she could just hear him say:

"you are the only wife i've got or ever will have. you are my whole existence and i will love you until my very last breath"

thing is, easier said than to mean it. but what a triumph for a husband who defines himself by his wife or a father who defines himself by his child.

DOT.

i don't want to feel

i should stop keeping it all inside. 


the weight at the back of the neck, 
the tears that don't come out, 
the choking at the back of the throat.


this all has got to stop!


Dot.

flea not but return to existence and you'll find peace

I'm not one to preach. i'm hardly qualified let alone worthy to talk much on the subject.


but what i can tell is what makes me feel good. when i'm really stressed this website really helps.


try just listening and surfing the web. no pressure. just you and a voice that speaks the truth. you will find peace. insyaAllah.


http://www.quranexplorer.com/quran/


Dot.

clumsy is not sexy

i think i'm a klutz. i bang myself on table edges, chairs, anything in my path.
but that doesn't stop me from dancing. NO.
coz even a klutz with the right kind of music can groove to the beat.

this is one of my favourite get in the mood and sway left to right go to songs..



get what i mean? come join me..

Dot.

i finally got the guts

to cut bangs into my hair!

i was shivering inside when the stylist was cutting it. I've been thinking bout getting it styled for a few weeks now. but didn't get the time nor the guts to cut the bangs in ala zooey deschanel. she rocks bangs like nobody's business.

so, i left office early today thinking i'd be home earlier for eve of Hari Raya..but then i saw the traffic and headed straight to the nearest mall instead to wait it out. mum told me about a good hairdresser there she goes to. one that cuts the way you want them to and one that doesn't push products on you. i had no idea they were cheap too. well, if not cheap but very reasonable compared to the other salons i go to.

so i went snip snip as the jam outside eased..

result...went back with no traffic on the road and new hair for Hari Raya.. and i love the fact that i had guts to cut bangs! 

Selamat hari raya!

tomorrow we eat mum's absolutely amazing once a year made soto!!

Dot.

ka ba boom!

I have a due diligence report to finish by today..

it's heart achingly stressful. i'm like a ticking bomb about to explode.

ironic how this accompanied me the whole day to keep the world in balance. grenade. lol.

in my life, i love them all

my favourite beatles song to cap the night. definitely a soundtrack for life.



Dot.

not about anyone, but everyone

it's not easy dividing time for the people you love. some will get left behind.

i'm sorry, but i'm tired.

pardon me if i can't catch up with you.

i do wonder sometimes, if everyone looks to you for comfort..who do I look to, for my own comforting?

given that I don't express so easily, sometimes i feel when people ask how you're doing all they want to hear is "I'm ok". then all they want to do is dish how they are doing instead.

DOT.

the rat race

"Look at us, running around, always rushed, always late. Guess that's why they call it the human race. But sometimes it slows down just enough for all the pieces to fall into place. Fate works its magic. And you're connected.

Every once in awhile amid all the randomness, something unexpected happens and it pushes us all forward. And the truth is, what I'm starting to think, what I'm starting to feel, is that maybe the human race isn't a race at all."     

                                                                                                                         -The Switch -

We're all in this race. the one that wins is the one who pauses in between and experiences the life in motion.

DOT.

 

what will the doctor prescribe?

when i'm sick,

I want to be manja.

I feel lonely and I start thinking about shedding the block of ice within.

then i'll start to cry.

then Mom will come and pick me right back up as always.

that's why i try very hard to not fall sick. I'm tired of feeling. the times i've felt, it was bad enough that the scars are too big to heal.

Dot.

Let me Rest.

DO NOT BOTHER TO READ. THIS IS ALL ME, WHINING.

this has been one crazy week.

menstrual pains on Monday, took half day off, worked till 9 that night.

tuesday was just filled with meetings and the occasional menstrual pains. oh the joy of womanhood. went camping shopping in preparation for Taman Negara trip Deepavali Weekend. I was all excited bout it. off i set myself to Midvalley that night of which i have not stepped foot in properly for shopping or leisure walking in ages. 

wednesday got infected with a bad case of flu, fever, cough, the works.. but work just doesn't stop. even an MC sounds worthless in my line of duty. whacko? you got that right.

Thursday, due diligence report due. we did a 1 day express due diligence and have to come up with a report in 48 hours. insane! but worked through breakfast, lunch and dinner with just a cup of teh-o to last me the whole day whilst constantly feeling the throbbing in the head and the sneezing. it sure didn't help with all the smoke blown into my face towards the end of the day by some smokers who are so intent on making me a smoker by this time next year. i'd say, "OVER MY DEAD BODY!". oh wait, in fact i did say exactly that.

Thursday evening, in an ideal world i would have gotten on the bus and headed my good behind to Taman Negara for a whole weekend with nature and good company. but the world isn't ideal. body exhasuted, mind can't focus, temperature rising, i bet i wouldn't even have been able to distinguish the light from a flash light and moon light. so, i backed out. not to go back home after a horrendous day at work, mind you. but instead i camped myself in the office facing the computer screen typing away so fast i never knew i had it in me, i swear i could have won a typing championship. in between typing i had to translate a whole global codes of conduct to malay which i found to be disgusting because I don't feel any of the employers of this particular giant in the automotive industry would abide by or even read the Codes. but oh well, for the big bucks that goes straight into the pockets of the partners, i did it anyway.

i also am whining not just because i missed out on all my good plans (in an ideal world) to camp and meet up with some old friends i haven't seen for some time, but also because it's Deepavali and i'm about to drive very deep into Cheras to find a client's house to get him sign a few documents which will only take less than 10 minutes, but the journey and my precious holiday time used up for this is annoyingly a bummer!

oh well, at least late night supper last night was good. teo chew porridge. nyum nyum. you people should try. concorde's coffee house. i think they don't close like ever. people were filling in to eat at 2am. what the what?

we're in KL. not the city that doesn't sleep. I didn't sign up for this. I want to sleep!

Dot.

love for the pretentious

can sound this good.

God my fingers burn~~

sorry I'm not Maya.

touched.
and i'm sorry i'm not Maya.
i didn't really know. well actually i had a feeling you didn't want to be just friends.
but i'm sorry. i'm a bit oblivious to these things. more like i don't know how yet to face feelings.
I know, I mature late in that department I guess. lame excuse. but true. confused and complicated girl that I am. not as great as you thought of me huh?
i'm sure you'll find someone beyond amazing for you. i'm sure.
you're a really nice person.
and i appreciate all your efforts. now that i've read it, everything fits the puzzle. you're really sweet.
hope friends is still an option and the occasional chats will still be there :)

i trust your dad is right. your love will be fun and not susah. kalau susah bukan jodoh :)

love, like..it's sacred for me

well if i don't hate you, what i feel definitely doesn't feel nice.
you gave me a little bit of hope, then you dashed it all away by giving up.
no regrets, but i think at least i should be clear about things.
i don't mind, but no one should run away and say i'm sorry in so many ways except the one best way to say it, in the face.

if you're hurt too, maybe you should have said something. but all i hear is silence and a random "i'm sorry". sorry for what exactly i'm not sure i understand.

i'd like to say "i''m sorry" too but for what i'm not quite sure yet.

isn't it all too clear now why i don't open up so easily? because it sucks when you try to and it's taken for granted.

i'll say it again, LOVE, LIKE it's sacred.

i've never fallen in Love. i'll let you know if i ever do :)

DOT.

Twin Suns of Tatooine

I'd like to think that there's a star for me and you 

Spinning round, falling for one another 

*repeat.perfect*
 
DOT.

play dress up

mom wants to dress me up like Pocahontas next friday for the dance.
i have just agreed. oh Lord! i should be scared.  


lets hope i find me-self one good looking captain Smith, to make it all worth it at least.


DOT.

party like nothing sucks

there's nothing like dancing to a good bouncy reviving tune :)

because the world keeps spinning around and best we can do is spin with it..




i vow to be dancing a lot more.

Dot.

if it means anything

the girl is scarred a little but she's good at hiding it.

I had no idea people care.

there's really so much comfort in knowing;
when you're down,
when you think no one is listening,
or when you try your best to hide it from the world,
someone will always be right there to hold your hand silently, 
or call and force a sigh from you to acknowledge that you're not ok and you're in need of a friend- a companion, who's just there, no pressure, no expectations, no rewards in return.


thank you and i promise i'll be ok.


DOT.

ignore me if i make no sense.

something shakira, britney, vanessa carlton, marit larsen (m2m) and siti nurhaliza have in common..

God help the girl she needs all the help she can get! NO JOKE.

DOT.

no way

nothing relates but somehow this resonates through me.

when at peace

last night just before Sahur felt like the most complete day of Ramadhan this year for me.
the rain outside just helped the heart to open up a little bit more. seek a little more.


this morning just after Subuh felt like the most calm of mornings in a long while.
Alhamdulillah.


One more day left to fast. i'm already missing it.
Some eventful moments this Ramadhan personally and shared.
Some soul searching. Some eye-opening. Some reminding.
There's just something really special about the month.
InsyaAllah we'll see it again when it comes around next.
for now, continue to follow through the same spirit for the rest of the months.


Salam Aidilfitri. Eid Mubarak. Blessings to all. Be merry and safe wherever you may be.


DOT.

conflicted

salah sangka atau buruk sangka?

marah atau sayang?

atau marah itu sayang?

Dot.

*this is not a note to a lover. not from a lover. just a reminder of conflicts between two people born to love even when saying "i love you" isn't always the easiest thing to do.

Boy

happy birthday. you're an old boy. very old in fact. but you're still our own boy.


i really really really miss you.


i wish things were different.


i still have hope :)


for now, i'll keep the memories i have with you alive. I love you.


DOT.

celebrate the present

if i were you, yesterday i would have cried. maybe lived a little in the past. reminisce the good memories. forget about the bad.

i wonder if you still remember what yesterday meant to you years ago. i'm happy you looked happy yesterday although deep down i wouldn't know.

i'm happy i spent some time with you yesterday. i'm sorry if i wasn't much help to soothe whatever needs soothing.

i forgot what yesterday used to mean to you. i remembered today. i'll give you a hug when you come back from the gym later. i'll ask you how you're doing.

i love you momsie :)

for the memories, happy anniversary.

i promise i'll check up on popsicle too.

DOT.

knowing what to let out

there's only ever one real chance to prove your case. 1st impression is always the most crucial. then that is that.

Dot.

I miss you

saying "i miss you" is easy to do.

but acting on an "i miss you" requires immense load of scheduling.

but sometimes a phone call would do before it becomes an "I don't remember you".

It's all up to you.

DOT.

the past reminds us

I found this written in my journal some 4 years ago.

Bukan Allah swt. tidak mengetahui deritanya hidupmu, retaknya hatimu, tapi mungkin itulah yang Dia mahu kerana Dia tahu hati yang sebeginilah yang selalunya lebih lunak dan mudah untuk dekat denganNya.

for sale

sometimes i feel like i'm an unwanted puppy.

the one with eyes too big to be cute, coat too unruly to be adorable. the one where no one bothers to look even if the sign says "for sale"

irrelevant

this is all part of me 'opening up'.

I like:

1. flowers that come in a box. at the doorstep.

2. the smell of wet air and sound of raindrops.

3. the colour of a room at sunset.

4. unshed tears, when the eye glistens.

5. clay.

DOT.

something about mary

over dinner, 2 young women, one man and a mother were talking about dates gone wrong. a few statements were made:

1. majority of men (Malaysian men) do not grasp the concept of a date sans the "we're an item" tag.

2. when in the proses of wooing, you can't be stingy. face it, a girl needs to be treated.

3. no, it's never good to tell a girl how she should dress or how high her heels should be on the 1st date just because you have inferiorities about your height.

4. mamak stall is not the place for a first date. no not even the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th...

5. however successful a woman is, treating her is key. no we don't get offended. we do not want to worry about who pays, we just want to worry whether we enjoy your company so that if you ask for a 2nd date we would say in an instant, "yes".

6. when you ask a person out whilst showing even a minuscule of interest, it isn't 'hanging out'. it's a date.

and so the mother concluded:

they don't make men like they do during your grandfather's time anymore. good luck looking.

---

Mary is the kind of girl guys would do anything for.

Mary is the kind of woman men would trample over their left foot just to get the door for her.

Mary is the kind of lady a gentleman trembles planning a date.

I'm not Mary. but that does not mean i'm not entitled to a real date where the women doesn't even have to offer to pay or split or eat at a fast food joint but her order must be $10 or less.

i'm not Mary, but that does not mean you don't have to act a little gallant and walk me to the door instead of dropping me off.

i'm not Mary. and it definitely does not mean that after treating me to 3 cucuk satay you expect me to fall in love.

try a little woo-ing with the girls who are not mary. because they deserve it. at least when you're still in your dating stage. what more on the first date.

I'm not Mary, but i'm sure she would agree.

DOT.

you don't say

I realized that I don't do well with goodbyes.

Dot.

the wedding season

how many brides pictured their wedding day from the day they first heard of cinderella and prince charming, beauty and the beast, snow white, fairytale, romance, love, happily ever after..the works.

did those very same brides get their picture perfect wedding? the ones they've always wanted. their own wedding. not the wants of the mother of the brides or that of the countless aunties who pitch in to help with this frill and that flower, this colour and that theme.

would you rather plan and execute your own wedding or have others do it for you?

i'd rather just have a wedding. regardless. so long as it's picture perfect in simplicity. but we don't get it all our way do we :)

happy planning to the future brides & grooms.

----

From an excerpt of North & South by Elisabeth Gaskell

in the midst of marriage preparations..

Margaret: But are all these quite necessary troubles?

Brother of the groom: Oh of course. There are forms and ceremonies to be gone through, not so much to satisfy oneself, as to stop the world's mouth, without which stoppage there would be very little satisfaction in life.

to that i must say, word! LOL.

DOT.

jotted

on an old travel note I once wrote:

Ma wants the theater and dance, I want the alleyways and adventures.

---

of course i love the theater. bt when on a travel i love to walk on, breathe and explore.

Dot.

Dear ... ,

(you won't read this coz you won't know how to work the internet, or you refuse to know but i need to let it out without hurting you).

you are the reason i'm so scared to love. thanks.

---

happy father's day :)

eyes and mouth on the game

when I was a kid, I remembered being brainwashed with Vision 2020. I remembered understanding the importance of making good grades and eventually landing a great job which in turn would mean replacing the older generation and leading the nation with a more youthful, forward mindset.

then I grew up. and I noticed that, people from my generation don't want it hard. everything has to come easy. good pay, not so much work, stable post. of course the selected few will go ahead and work their workaholic ways through lunch, dinner, nap time. but the complaints and the sighs don't stop.

that's what I see, imagine what the older gen. see in us.

see, i don't remember mom and dad complaining this much. I don't remember grandma and grandpa complaining either. they accepted their fates not to mention worse situations and they improved for the sake of their future generations. but the future generations, all we constantly ask for is, an easy life.

maybe brainwashing wasn't such a good idea. can we still hold the torch after 2020?

why do i say this? because, as much as I do complain myself, this has got to go. or at least quiet down a little. energy should be focused on getting the job done, fast and save the extra hours for sleep.

to my working friends, power on! we need to prove to the older generations that we're not one whiny bunch of kids and we can handle the pressure.

about the bRAIN

i'm hearing the pitter-patters outside. it's getting heavier.

i'm hearing my thoughts pitter-pattering inside.

it's tired after 9 months solid work. now it's untangling.

then it'll worry once again. worry if it'll become stagnant and stale.


dot.

hints

too much small talk on "marriage" dropped by Mama today. too much for comfort, and this coming from a Mom who never ever pressures a single bit on these things. EVER. maybe it's the holidays and the V-day and the overload on rom-coms we had.

i know i'm turning 24. but isn't that when the world is only beginning to be your oyster, live the dream, independence.. yada yada comes hitting you on the head. why marriage, so soon?

not that i'm against it. just, the right guy isn't exactly knocking on the door and i can't seem to find a decent door to knock either.

so, i know it's still no pressure. but maybe the hints Ma gave are more like for "go get yourself a sweet boy and bring him back home, girly. lets get to know him."

bleurgh~ it's easier said than done. half the world's population are turning gay suddenly and the ones with backbones are too busy to play the field or look for the girl next door. oh plus, plus..a friend said to me "If I were a guy, I'd be scared to try you too. too much to live up to."

SERIOUSLY??!!!! what's too much? see people just say things. but they never explain. how's a girl to know.

DOT.

half empty

I clearly remember being grossly disgusted a few years back by the idea of a lawyer-spouse burning the midnight oil finishing up drafts, research, submissions with hands and knees deep in ink (read: Microsoft Word) whilst the other half slept alone on a half empty bed.

and i thought, never would this happen to me.

save for the fact that i'm not a qualified lawyer YET (weeks to go!! weeks!!), and i still sleep on a SINGLE's bed..

the hands and knees deep in Microsoft Word part, i definitely can relate.

it's 12 freakin' 15 in the morning, and this research is going nowhere. no man's land! i've been at it for 5 hours. all i have are patches of clumped up words. words that don't make much sense at this moment.

how do i save this child, pronto??!

it's a pity i believe more in COMMON SENSE than the LAW. because that's just not how lawyers earn money and definitely not how judges come to their decisions. SHUCKS!

a lawyer's motto: with tired eyes, tired minds, we light the candle..yet again.

back to the hood

i miss childhood.

the days when grandma & gradpa used to tie blankets across the bed to make us a fort. then we would hide in it and tell each other stories; ghost stories, the family tree, funny jokes, and the games we played.. oh, the games :)

the days when I got in trouble for being naughty, and all i had to do was hide under the covers suck my thumb and wake up the next day with a smile and slight amnesia of what happened the night before.

the days when all I had to worry about was, whether the sunny skies were going to hold up for us to play in the evening.

something is wrong. a kid wants to be a grown up so fast. when we're there it's like a trap. so we create more kids to relive our childhood through them. we build them their mattress fort. we bring them camping. we watch them play.

but in truth, we're the ones who need to come out and play.

i want to come out and play.