i don't want to feel

i should stop keeping it all inside. 


the weight at the back of the neck, 
the tears that don't come out, 
the choking at the back of the throat.


this all has got to stop!


Dot.

flea not but return to existence and you'll find peace

I'm not one to preach. i'm hardly qualified let alone worthy to talk much on the subject.


but what i can tell is what makes me feel good. when i'm really stressed this website really helps.


try just listening and surfing the web. no pressure. just you and a voice that speaks the truth. you will find peace. insyaAllah.


http://www.quranexplorer.com/quran/


Dot.

clumsy is not sexy

i think i'm a klutz. i bang myself on table edges, chairs, anything in my path.
but that doesn't stop me from dancing. NO.
coz even a klutz with the right kind of music can groove to the beat.

this is one of my favourite get in the mood and sway left to right go to songs..



get what i mean? come join me..

Dot.

i finally got the guts

to cut bangs into my hair!

i was shivering inside when the stylist was cutting it. I've been thinking bout getting it styled for a few weeks now. but didn't get the time nor the guts to cut the bangs in ala zooey deschanel. she rocks bangs like nobody's business.

so, i left office early today thinking i'd be home earlier for eve of Hari Raya..but then i saw the traffic and headed straight to the nearest mall instead to wait it out. mum told me about a good hairdresser there she goes to. one that cuts the way you want them to and one that doesn't push products on you. i had no idea they were cheap too. well, if not cheap but very reasonable compared to the other salons i go to.

so i went snip snip as the jam outside eased..

result...went back with no traffic on the road and new hair for Hari Raya.. and i love the fact that i had guts to cut bangs! 

Selamat hari raya!

tomorrow we eat mum's absolutely amazing once a year made soto!!

Dot.

ka ba boom!

I have a due diligence report to finish by today..

it's heart achingly stressful. i'm like a ticking bomb about to explode.

ironic how this accompanied me the whole day to keep the world in balance. grenade. lol.

in my life, i love them all

my favourite beatles song to cap the night. definitely a soundtrack for life.



Dot.

not about anyone, but everyone

it's not easy dividing time for the people you love. some will get left behind.

i'm sorry, but i'm tired.

pardon me if i can't catch up with you.

i do wonder sometimes, if everyone looks to you for comfort..who do I look to, for my own comforting?

given that I don't express so easily, sometimes i feel when people ask how you're doing all they want to hear is "I'm ok". then all they want to do is dish how they are doing instead.

DOT.

the rat race

"Look at us, running around, always rushed, always late. Guess that's why they call it the human race. But sometimes it slows down just enough for all the pieces to fall into place. Fate works its magic. And you're connected.

Every once in awhile amid all the randomness, something unexpected happens and it pushes us all forward. And the truth is, what I'm starting to think, what I'm starting to feel, is that maybe the human race isn't a race at all."     

                                                                                                                         -The Switch -

We're all in this race. the one that wins is the one who pauses in between and experiences the life in motion.

DOT.

 

what will the doctor prescribe?

when i'm sick,

I want to be manja.

I feel lonely and I start thinking about shedding the block of ice within.

then i'll start to cry.

then Mom will come and pick me right back up as always.

that's why i try very hard to not fall sick. I'm tired of feeling. the times i've felt, it was bad enough that the scars are too big to heal.

Dot.

Let me Rest.

DO NOT BOTHER TO READ. THIS IS ALL ME, WHINING.

this has been one crazy week.

menstrual pains on Monday, took half day off, worked till 9 that night.

tuesday was just filled with meetings and the occasional menstrual pains. oh the joy of womanhood. went camping shopping in preparation for Taman Negara trip Deepavali Weekend. I was all excited bout it. off i set myself to Midvalley that night of which i have not stepped foot in properly for shopping or leisure walking in ages. 

wednesday got infected with a bad case of flu, fever, cough, the works.. but work just doesn't stop. even an MC sounds worthless in my line of duty. whacko? you got that right.

Thursday, due diligence report due. we did a 1 day express due diligence and have to come up with a report in 48 hours. insane! but worked through breakfast, lunch and dinner with just a cup of teh-o to last me the whole day whilst constantly feeling the throbbing in the head and the sneezing. it sure didn't help with all the smoke blown into my face towards the end of the day by some smokers who are so intent on making me a smoker by this time next year. i'd say, "OVER MY DEAD BODY!". oh wait, in fact i did say exactly that.

Thursday evening, in an ideal world i would have gotten on the bus and headed my good behind to Taman Negara for a whole weekend with nature and good company. but the world isn't ideal. body exhasuted, mind can't focus, temperature rising, i bet i wouldn't even have been able to distinguish the light from a flash light and moon light. so, i backed out. not to go back home after a horrendous day at work, mind you. but instead i camped myself in the office facing the computer screen typing away so fast i never knew i had it in me, i swear i could have won a typing championship. in between typing i had to translate a whole global codes of conduct to malay which i found to be disgusting because I don't feel any of the employers of this particular giant in the automotive industry would abide by or even read the Codes. but oh well, for the big bucks that goes straight into the pockets of the partners, i did it anyway.

i also am whining not just because i missed out on all my good plans (in an ideal world) to camp and meet up with some old friends i haven't seen for some time, but also because it's Deepavali and i'm about to drive very deep into Cheras to find a client's house to get him sign a few documents which will only take less than 10 minutes, but the journey and my precious holiday time used up for this is annoyingly a bummer!

oh well, at least late night supper last night was good. teo chew porridge. nyum nyum. you people should try. concorde's coffee house. i think they don't close like ever. people were filling in to eat at 2am. what the what?

we're in KL. not the city that doesn't sleep. I didn't sign up for this. I want to sleep!

Dot.