pro-choice

3am and this is what i'm thinking.
the answer to the question that I never really had an answer for. an answer that most often than not, i don't believe to be true the moment it's uttered.

being single.

I'm perfectly happy with how things are going. grateful. complaints only a few. c'est la vie.

and so i think at almost 23 I am entitled to tap into this question of status before I reach the age that I should only be regretting.

see, there isn't really a dream or an idea of a perfect mate.(yes, i'm actually talking about normal people with normal lives not celebrity infatuations or vampire like obsessions). To date, I've never really imagined my wedding dress or how the day will unfold generally or even (like some girly girls) to the very last detail. it just never actually crossed my mind. even when I fancy the pants off a guy, it's the butterflies and the blushing. but no happily ever after bumping around in me head.

seeing friends getting hitched here, there and everywhere. standing in line behind a rather loving looking couple at the supermarket and the constant serving of the question, "when's your turn next?", just gets me everytime. not that i'm bitter or that i hate the idea of love, matrimony and the whole fuss. I don't. In fact I believe in love. I believe in real love. the kind that don't fade with age, looks, bad habits, trials etc. I just think it takes a whole lot more than love to be based on. it's the need for stability and responsibility. most important is the effort & determination to go all the way.

but my problem is, I think i overvalue it. I want to keep it reserved for when it's right. but we never really know what's right until we try. yet, I think I'm still resisting a try.

I may not know love the man-woman kind. but i know love the father-daughter kind, the bestfriend kind, the wishing-hoping kind. all the tragic..i know. coz when you're not in love, you see love all around. so excuse me for keeping that one last kind in reserve until i truly feel good to give and not get hurt too soon.

truth is, i'm scared shitless of wanting and getting what i want.

dare i say it?

"mr. frog, stay in the water until you can play catch and I won't run"


DOT.